Well, it’s odd I never really paid attention to this category, but of course we can use it in the family. Remember that family relationships are based on the quality of your communication.

In this fictitious family example, you can see the dotted lines indicating a strained relationship and the bolded lines expressing a positive relationship. In most cases, the communication patterns of strained relationships are, in my opinion, based on the following strategies.

First, there is the element of belief and perception. We perceive certain things as either helpful or threatening. When dad asks Son1 “Where are you going” and son1 replies “out”, it’s because both are starting to perceive their interaction as “threatening”. In order to shift the perception from “threat” to “positive”, all it takes is to understand intention, and develop a stronger resourceful state around each individual’s emotional state. Sometimes, the process known as ‘reframing’ can help a lot.

I believe that a strong family relationship is based on the fact that communication is open. If it is deemed as threatening, it’s only because there are uncommunicated needs and expectations which seem to impede another’s values.

In order to develop a more successful family relationship, it is extremely important to take on a different perceptual position to see how relationships have been formed. I had a mother who came into a counseling session with her daughter. She was complaining about her daughter so much, that I could see the little girl getting embarrassed. I put myself in the shoes of the daughter and the mother, and I felt different things. My gut told me that the mother was definitely caring, but in a way that a child couldn’t appreciate. It gave me an indication that there was something in her past that she learnt from that has become so unconscious, she knows how to ‘nag’ at her daughter in this way. I asked the daughter if she liked what she heard, and I saw a sheepish “no” on her face.

Feedback needs to be established. I find myself often like a bridge, and working this way has helped me to help families understand each other better. Family therapy itself is a very large field and sometimes I forget how complex it can be. Whatever the case, a family therapist or a family coach can actually enable a family to become closer and to learn more about each other in a positive and enlightening manner.

In most of the cases in a conversation, several kinds of postures convey different things. I’m not sure if they are culturally contextualized, but there are postural stances: (1) the Placater, (2) the Blamer, (3) the Computer, (4) the Downer (5) the Distracter and (6) the Leveller. Category 4 was made up by me, the rest are in the book.

The Placater posture is like a person begging, on his knees. This position is used to elicit certain kinds of experiences, including guilt and… well, placation.

The Blamer is rather self explanatory - pointing outward and toward something or someone else.

The Downer is different - the downer points inwards and is implosive in action, and usually associated with depressed and unhappy people.

The Computer is the super-reasonable, logical processor. This individual typically does not engage in emotion, and objectivizes everything.

The Distracter is typically the kind who has flighty emotions, varied facial expressions and gestures and speaks in a distracting fashion. A Distracter tends to shift people away from the central topic at hand.

The Leveller is associated with the meta state, or an over-powering state. Levellers usually demolish the mood in the conversation, and this could be useful depending on the context of the situation.

Applications

Each of these physiological components tell me that the postural cues are important for us. It could be used in rapport building, or communication, but I think the most important part is in examining a person’s emotional state. While I believe that each person has a unique physiological representation of their state, we aren’t as unique as we think we are. Getting yourself into a certain posture can trigger off certain emotions if you do it right. So in each pattern, the Satir Categories tell us:-

(1) Emotional Valence. Different emotions blend better or elicit others more readily. For instance, in a placating mode, you elicit blaming and anger more readily than you do confusion and excitement.

(2) Assessing the congruence of the state. Some people are in a state that is incongruent, and when you have the Satir Categories and assess their level of congruence, you may find interesting things. For instance, the Blamer who is incongruent is fearful. The Downer who is incongruent could be just throwing a tantrum. The incongruent Distracter could be an attention seeker.