Coaching is NOT just for people who are down and out. A good coach makes a difference between a major league player and a second tier player. Top executives from various companies have executive coaches. Top basketball players have coaches. The most important is to consider this: your coach MUST be someone who opens up possibilities for you, and sometimes, puts a foot in your rear.

Often, coaching entails three major things: a conversation, introspection and action. This three-pillar coaching approach has helped many people to dissect issues, open up prospects and help multiply business revenues many times over.

For those of you who are keen in getting a coach, you really have to ensure that you don’t fall for the myths of coaching.

1. It’s going to get me instant results.

Nobody will be able to guarantee you instant results. And I mean nobody! Getting a coach is often about opening up awareness of what you already can do, but never thought you could. For instance, you may need to cultivate a new set of relationships. You probably could have done that already, but you are going to need to do this again for a new set of people so that you can expand your results. Don’t expect these results overnight!

2. I’m problematic, that’s why I need a coach.

Well, if you were problematic, coaching would not be the best place for you, because it will probably take you a lot longer to unravel the problems. That’s quite important to realize - if you wait too long to get a coach, and if you do this only reactively, you are likely to only get minimal results. If a coach is there to get you out of a bad spot, you have to be equally prepared to see yourself through.

Like I said, not everyone who has a problem should have a coach. A growing business is also a sign that you need a good business coach - developing a solid business does not mean that you have a problem, right? You have to get a third-person perspective to gain clarity and feedback that can make a difference.

3. I give up my freedom by having a coach.

Look, having a coach means you want to do two things: increase possibilities in your choices and actions, and then figuring out which is the best choice (or set of choices) to make, then stick to it. Freedom has nothing to do with it. If you are making $500,000 in a year and want to scale it to $1.5 million, you will need someone to give you an idea of your internal (mental) processes, business operations and marketing plans. It starts with realizing that you might not have all the ideas all at the same time. A good coach can therefore help you with processing these possibilities into actionable steps and actions.

Need a coach? Leave me a comment below and let’s get our conversation going!

Well, it’s odd I never really paid attention to this category, but of course we can use it in the family. Remember that family relationships are based on the quality of your communication.

In this fictitious family example, you can see the dotted lines indicating a strained relationship and the bolded lines expressing a positive relationship. In most cases, the communication patterns of strained relationships are, in my opinion, based on the following strategies.

First, there is the element of belief and perception. We perceive certain things as either helpful or threatening. When dad asks Son1 “Where are you going” and son1 replies “out”, it’s because both are starting to perceive their interaction as “threatening”. In order to shift the perception from “threat” to “positive”, all it takes is to understand intention, and develop a stronger resourceful state around each individual’s emotional state. Sometimes, the process known as ‘reframing’ can help a lot.

I believe that a strong family relationship is based on the fact that communication is open. If it is deemed as threatening, it’s only because there are uncommunicated needs and expectations which seem to impede another’s values.

In order to develop a more successful family relationship, it is extremely important to take on a different perceptual position to see how relationships have been formed. I had a mother who came into a counseling session with her daughter. She was complaining about her daughter so much, that I could see the little girl getting embarrassed. I put myself in the shoes of the daughter and the mother, and I felt different things. My gut told me that the mother was definitely caring, but in a way that a child couldn’t appreciate. It gave me an indication that there was something in her past that she learnt from that has become so unconscious, she knows how to ‘nag’ at her daughter in this way. I asked the daughter if she liked what she heard, and I saw a sheepish “no” on her face.

Feedback needs to be established. I find myself often like a bridge, and working this way has helped me to help families understand each other better. Family therapy itself is a very large field and sometimes I forget how complex it can be. Whatever the case, a family therapist or a family coach can actually enable a family to become closer and to learn more about each other in a positive and enlightening manner.